In my last newsletter post, I shared that I will be focusing my content "towards interior pilgrims who are ready to explore deeper questions, and who have begun to enter or have entered 'spiritual mid-life'." In this post I will elaborate more about 'spiritual mid-life' so that you can try to identify if this stage of the journey may apply to you (at the present time) or not.
The following quote from the book, The Critical Journey: Stages in the Life of Faith by Janet Hagberg and Robert Guelich describes the difference between the "first half of life" (borrowing a term from spiritual writer Richard Rohr OFM) and the "second half of life". What I call "Spiritual Mid-life" refers to Stage 4 and The Wall in this particular developmental paradigm.
In the first three stages, our faith or our spirituality takes its expression most frequently in ways that are prescribed by external standards, whether by the Church, a specific spiritual leader, a book, or a set of principles. Regardless of the standards to which we subscribe, we eventually represent it in our own behavior or try to anyway.
Stages 4 through 6 represent a difficult personal transformation and reemerging that require a rediscovery on a different level of what faith and spirituality are all about. These are inner healing stages (spiritually and psychologically) for which the journey cannot be prescribed. We find that everything is interconnected. Since these stages are unique to each person, they defy generalities and make description more difficult. This part of the journey embodies the inner journey to spiritual wholeness.
What is Spiritual Mid-life?
Spiritual mid-life refers to that particularly difficult transition at the "midway" of our faith journey where we are hit with the realisation that for all that we believe and know in our faith, and for all we are intellectually convicted about, we are still unable to truly EMBODY and LIVE OUT what we believe. This is in spite of the fact that we may be leading outwardly very devout, active "good Christian lives". Some of us may even be leaders in our faith communities and churches who help form other Christians/Catholics in their faith.
At this time of spiritual mid-life, we experience a series of rude inner awakenings where we begin to see things about the inner state of our souls that we had not had the ability to see before. We suddenly realise that our relationship with God - even if it has been growing in depth and emotional intimacy up to this point - is still full of fear and insecurity. And we realise that in spite of our great desire to live out the gospel values, we are actually deeply incapable of knowing HOW to do so from a place of true freedom and authenticity.
It is often here in our interior journey that we realise how much of our faith has been about performance up to this point. We have been trying to impress God and others, and perhaps comfort ourselves with our diligence, spiritual discipline and service to others, but we are far from being whole and we are internally "blocked" from growing further.
Q: Ann, why is your content going to focus on this stage of spiritual mid-life?
[P]eople at the discipleship stage (stage 2), secure with what is right for them and with a strong sense of belonging, may think that people who appear to be questioning or even losing their faith on the journey inward (stage 4) are not strong enough, not faithful enough, not willing enough, or just plain not Christian. Because of their present security in the journey, they find it difficult to comprehend the questioning on the inward journey as another step along the way. When they too fall into the throes of confusion, dissatisfaction, or uncertainty, they may experience other people's questioning of their behavior and only then understand how they were viewing people like themselves earlier.
Hagberg, Janet O.; Guelich, Robert A.. The Critical Journey: Stages in the Life of Faith (p. 12). Sheffield Publishing Company. Kindle Edition.
First of all, this has been the stage that I have been going through in the last 8 years of my journey. Even now, I believe I am still in mid-life albeit perhaps a later part of it. Thus this is what I have been struggling through, often "fumbling in the dark" while learning valuable lessons and insights along the way. This is what I feel called to share in this season of my life.
Secondly, it is the nature of spiritual mid-life that there are very few resources that can help support us at this stage of the journey. The vast majority of readily-found and more easily accessed formation material and spiritual support focus on the work of the stages 1-3 in the Critical Journey (i.e. the first half of life).
One main reason for the paucity of resources at this stage is because at Spiritual Mid-life, the essence of our spiritual task is that of holistic human integration. Neither purely religious/spiritual or psychological/scientific resources alone can help us at this point. Interior integration is itself practically an entire "discipline" unto itself and the best resources come from those who have made this gruelling journey themselves.
I have experienced this scarcity of resources as I made my way through it, and I continue to hear from my clients, followers and subscribers how lonely they feel because it is so difficult to find someone who understands what they are going through - including the religious teachers and leaders that they used to learn so much from.
As I was navigating spiritual mid-life, I found that neither my spiritual guides nor my therapist could help me integrate the insights and practices from Catholic spirituality, psychology and trauma recovery into my lived experience of God, myself, and what it means to follow Christ as a wounded pilgrim growing in wholeness. Yet it was in the integration of these different facets of my humanity that I was transformed into greater wholeness and aliveness as ME.
Important note: Seeing a Christian or Catholic psychologist or counsellor, or seeing a spiritual director who has training in counselling does not necessarily mean that they understand how the integration of these different dimensions happen. Integration is much more than "cutting and pasting" the wisdom of different disciplines together. It is the phenomenon of the integration experience that I often try to convey in my content.
Unless you have experienced entering this "desert", there is no way for you to understand how confusing and excruciating it is to feel like the ground you have worked so hard to build your spiritual life on is suddenly collapsing right under your feet. And unless you have people in your life who have made this journey themselves, you will be hard-pressed to find companions or guides who will truly "get you". This is also why I feel called to share my experiences and insights from this stage of the faith development journey in my content - because I know how lonely it gets.
Want to learn more about the experiences of Spiritual Mid-life?
- View my YouTube Playlist on this topic where I talk about my personal experiences of entering this stage and its impact on other aspects of my faith journey
- Read Sue Monk Kidd's "When the Heart Waits: Spiritual Direction for Life's Sacred Questions". It was this book recommended to me by a seasoned spiritual director that helped me recognise that I had entered spiritual mid-life
- Read Richard Rohr OFM's "Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life" (Revised and edited version), which contains a very helpful discussion of the spiritual tasks of the two halves of life.
- Read "The Critical Journey, Stages in the Life of Faith" by Janet O. Hagberg and Robert A. Guelich for a powerful and in depth explanation of Stage 4 and the experience of "The Wall" which is what all spiritual mid-lifers must pass through in order to be more fully interiorly integrated spiritually + psychologically.
What has Spiritual Mid-life to do with Trauma and Inner Healing?
In my next Begin Again post, I will share about why Spiritual Mid-life has so much to do with our process of healing from trauma.
In the meantime, how did this post land with you? If you are a subscriber to Begin Again, I invite you to leave a comment on this post! (You can do so on the website version of this post)
Journeying with you,
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