Right before Ash Wednesday this year, I completed a 5 week online Spiritual Abuse Workshop with Paul Fahey, mental health counselor, catechist, and host of the Third Space podcast, a podcast which Paul describes is "for those who see the beauty of Catholicism, as well as the ugliness, who have experienced real harm AND real grace in the Church." That describes me - especially in these last few years - to a T.
I had intended to write a post on this sooner, but I underestimated the impact the workshop would have on me. As it turned out, I needed the whole of Lent to digest what I had learned, and to process and recover from the memories that came back to me about my own experiences of spiritual abuse - both as victim/survivor and as complicit albeit unwitting perpetrator.
A scary truth is that once we begin to understand what spiritual abuse is, many of us will find that both subtle and explicit forms of it have been woven into the very fabric of our religious culture and experiences.
This workshop taught me language I never had before to name and articulate experiences from my past. Language is a powerful thing - if we don't have the language for an experience, it feels as if that experience is not real as it cannot be named and validated. And here's a difficult and painful truth: most Catholics would have zero language around spiritual abuse, which means we would not be able to recognise it even if it is part of the reality we live in every day.
Another scary truth is that once we begin to understand what spiritual abuse is, many of us will find that both subtle and explicit forms of it have been woven into the very fabric of our religious culture and experiences. In fact, various forms of spiritual abuse - including a specific form termed "abuse of conscience" - abide undetected in our families, parishes and faith communities because the dynamics in which such abuse thrives is already present within the systems and structures of our society, culture and of the Catholic Church itself.
...various forms of spiritual abuse abide undetected in our families, parishes and faith communities because the dynamics in which such abuse thrives is already present within the systems and structures of our society, culture and of the Catholic Church itself.
Many ways in which I have personally come to understand "orthodoxy" and "faithfulness" to my Catholic faith included spiritually abusive behaviour because that was how my faith had been taught and passed on to me, something which I am still in the midst of disentangling in my own healing and integration journey.
We are so used to thinking of "Holy Mother Church" as only holy that it creates great cognitive dissonance in us to recognise that dysfunction and abuse is more prevalent than we think. Yet daring to name abuse and having the courage to awaken, repent and heal from abuse is an important Way of Cross for us to undertake as disciples of Christ!
Daring to name abuse and having the courage to awaken, repent and heal from abuse is an important Way of Cross for us to undertake as disciples of Christ.
Do you have an inkling that perhaps spiritual abuse might also be a part of your personal complex trauma history?
Do you have a sense that you or someone you know have been harmed in a faith/church context and that spiritual abuse might have played a part?
Here are some resources I invite you to explore if you wish to learn more about spiritual abuse.
Related Podcast Episodes
- EP 144 | When You Harm Others In Spite of Your Best Intentions
- EP 149 | Five Reasons Why Catholic / Christian Trauma Survivors Struggle with Healing
- EP 150 | Reclaiming Our Dignity: Healing from Spiritual Abuse (with Paul Fahey)
Articles on Spiritual Abuse
- Red Flags of Spiritual Abuse
- The Place Where You Stand is Holy Ground: Recognizing and Preventing Spiritual Abuse in the Catholic Church (PDF)
- Courageous Conversation: Why We Must Work Toward a Trauma-Sensitive Church
Spiritual Abuse Workshop (by Paul Fahey)
The image and description below are from Paul's substack page.
This workshop is for:
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Individuals trying to better understand their experiences of spiritual abuse in the Church
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Clergy and lay leaders interested in safeguarding their communities from spiritual abuse and abuse of conscience
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Therapists working with clients who have been spiritually abused
This workshop will help you:
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Recognise and prevent spiritual abuse and abuse of conscience in the Church
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Know the symptoms of spiritual abuse, religious trauma, and moral injury
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Better understand and respond to abusive systems in the Church
I cannot recommend this workshop highly enough. Paul integrates academic research, Church teaching, pastoral-clinical experience as well as his own personal experience and shares an incredible wealth in resources on this topic.
For more information about this workshop visit: https://www.catholicthirdspace.com/p/spiritual-abuse-workshop-627 You can subscribe to Paul Fahey's substack if you wish to be informed when he runs this really valuable workshop again.
* If you live in Singapore and would like Paul to open a cohort that is during Singapore evening time (around 8pm), please email Paul at [email protected].
In our journey of healing and integration, many of us whose Christian / Catholic faith is important to us will need to recognise how spiritual abuse and religious trauma might have harmed us, shaped our identities and distorted our image of God. I hope that the resources I have shared above and the stories I share with you from my own experiences will help you overcome any reluctance or fear in learning more about this important topic.
I have been lamenting and grieving the reality of spiritual abuse in my life and in the Church I love, but this process has also broken my heart open even more to receive the mercy of God and to encounter the Father's love more than ever.
It is my fervent prayer that more interior pilgrims - especially those in leadership - will embark on this aspect of the journey because there can be no authentically missionary and evangelising Church without the healing and integration of this shadow in our communal spiritual reality.
As we enter Holy Week, may the passion, death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ be for each of us an incarnate and embodied reality - one that truly heals our wounds and brings us to fullness of life!
Journeying with you,
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